"Never again shall you thirst, for I am come to wet your mouth with wine and water, to quench your thirst with kisses. Words of Love from my own lips will serve as your oasis, and you shall never want for drink again."
I have a very vivid memory of sitting in a first grade classroom (first grade was my first actual classroom because my mom homeschooled me for kindergarten) thinking “I am literally going to die, I can’t live one more minute without reading a story, but I’ve already gotten my book confiscated for peeking at it during class and I have no backup book and I’m going to die” and then thinking in a burst of divine inspiration “WHAT IF I TELL MYSELF A STORY INSIDE MY HEAD. THEY CAN’T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME. PHYSICALLY THEY CANNOT.”
So I started building this post in August, because I noticed the possible subtext in the final scene of this episode and I found it fucking hilarious, and then I didn’t get the chance to finish so yayyy happy to get to share it now.
So, I know this episode has some serious, serious issues, but I’m going to look at this scene as is, because Bucklemming even brought the Burrito of Sexual Innuendo back in 13x02 and, well, I just have to comment on it now.
This is Destiel subtext all the way. Which Bucklemming have always excelled at. And it’s this show’s sense of humour in a goddamn nutshell. It just makes me smile and smile and smirk and rub my hands together with pure glee.
The scene is set in the bunker, in the war room, starting with Dean trying to cover the fact that he used Gadreel to find Cas. The brothers talk and Cas enters, saying this –>
Cas: I am really enjoying this place. Plentiful food… good water pressure. Things I never even considered before. There really is a lot to being human, isn’t there?
At the water pressure comment Dean makes this face:
It’s like he can’t even believe that this is happening. That Cas is actually human and making remarks that hit on the exact thing Dean enjoys about the place and being overtly perfect in every single sense of the word and looking really fucking good to boot and just yeah, to me Dean is pretty much thinking “fuck off you amazing specimen of a man - don’t make me desire you more”
It’s the thoughts - or suppressed thoughts - of desiring Cas, however, that makes Dean offer this really, truly, markedly what’s-that-even-MEAN? comment in return:
…while bringing the penis shaped food slowly to his half-open mouth.
Now, if this particular above editing choice hadn’t been a part of this scene, then the subtext would be different for me. It’s the fact that they cut BEFORE Dean bites into the burrito that makes this shot so filled with innuendo.
The clincher, however, is the shot they cut to of Sam Winchester making this face at his brother’s weird-ass phrasing –>
That is Sam’s face telling us to react with him to what the fuck Dean is going on about.
What is Dean going on about?
Well, the subtext of Dean’s weird-ass phrasing could be seen as him really wanting to say “It can’t be all dicks and vaginas, my friend” but of course he wouldn’t go there, so instead he uses the much safer “burritos” and “strippers” as substitute words to keep it not so revealing.
(only Sam so totally knows)
Well, the phrasing is still so revealing, isn’t it?
I mean, the “vagina” portion could be linked to how the one-night-stands have always been a hollow filler of Dean’s conflicting yearning and absolute fear of feeling real feelings, right? At least that’s what the one-night-stands are to me. And in this scenario the burrito is so absolutely totally standing in for dick, as per the visual above tells us.
Why should I even for a second think that this might be a valid reading, though?
Because of the surface topic of the scene itself: which is Cas losing his virginity.
Dean doesn’t know that yet. He subtly tries to seduce Cas with that movement of penis shaped food to his mouth, with the innuendo of it all. Testing the waters, as it were, trying to bring sex onto the table because he desires Cas like damnnnn.
Honestly, I don’t even think Dean himself is fully aware of performing this song and dance. It’s a subconscious reaction to Cas feeling at home in Dean’s home, commenting on water pressure and presenting such clear common ground, and being there, properly and permanently. There’s a sudden possibility here that has never ever been here before, not in Dean’s mind.
And Dean can’t stop himself from acting on it.
Then we get the glorious moment when we leave Sam’s reaction face and move into him reacting to Cas delivering this beauty –>
Cas: Yeah, I understand what you’re saying.
Sam looking like he sincerely doubts Cas understands the finer points of what Dean is actually doing and his “You do?” might just as well have been “Do you understand that my brother is phallating that burrito for your sake, Cas?” (buuuuut he can’t say that)
The exchange continues with:
Cas: Yes, there’s more to humanity than survival. You look for purpose. And you must not be defeated by anger or despair. Or hedonism, for that matter. Dean: Where does hedonism come into it? Cas: Well, my time with April was very educational. Sam: Yeah, I mean, I would think that getting killed is something. Cas: And having sex. Dean: You had sex with April? Sam: Yeah, that would be where the hedonism comes in.
Okay, now, there is elegance here. It’s a little twisted, but there is elegance here. Because this scene is Dean’s scene. This scene starts with Dean talking about Cas with Sam, moving into Cas joining them in the war room and Dean bringing sex into the conversation for no reason whatsoever other than that he has sex on the brain (and that it serves the scene, which is about sex) to then lead us to this moment of pure and undiluted jealousy –>
Look. At. That. Face.
Gloriously pissed off.
Changing into:
Because here it begins to hit Dean that Cas has had sex. Cas is human and he has had sex. And as it sinks in, while they’re having their “Did you have protection” part of the exchange, there’s more coming Dean’s way. More than he ever could have dreamed of when Cas says:
Cas: Anyway, I see now how difficult life can be and how well you two have lead it. I think you’ll be great teachers. Dean: Thanks, Cas.
Visual aid:
Dean is so turned on it’s like he can see the two of them writhing naked on a bed while he tells Cas exactly what to do to make the world explode. Like COME ON. LOOK AT SAM’S FACE IN CONTRAST! Sam aware-of-the-subtext Winchester is not too keen on being a “teacher” in this scenario, no sir, better leave that to Dean.
I mean, this scene just makes me laugh. Granted this is totally the reading of my dark and slightly demented brain and I love this type of innuendo, but the structure of the scene is ALL about reaching ^^^^ this moment!! Dean with that half-eaten burrito in his hand that is almost forgotten now that the real thing is fucking smacked down on the table and within reach.
THEN we get the tie-in to end all tie-ins as Cas asks if there are any more burritos. Yeah. Forgive me, but in my dark and slightly demented brain this clearly tells us that Cas will very, very happily listen to all of Dean’s instructions because he is about to join in the eating of the Burrito of Innuendo, which, again and to be perfectly clear, is a visual for Dean liking dick. Cas’ dick in particular, because it’s the focus of this entire exchange.
I just LOVE it, what can I say? I’m not even sorry.
And as Cas goes to grab himself a burrito, Dean gives us Sunshine Face –>
Kinda the opposite to this one –>
Because Frowny Face is all about suppressed desire, while Sunshine Face is all about the sudden, furious hope that the desire could actually be met.
Now, of course this is a love story, it’s not all about sex, but Dean is nowhere ready in S9 to admit to himself that he’s been in love with Cas for years. That’s way, way too scary. Sexual desire, however, is a brilliant way for his brain to cover up the fact that there’s so much more to it. He knows he fancies Cas, but that’s all.
But, to my mind, the Sunshine Face is about the fact that there IS SO MUCH MORE THERE. Subconsciously Dean knows very well that he’s truly madly deeply in love with Cas - but his conscious mind beats against it because feelings mean weakness and love means pain and no-no-no none of that - but there’s also the fact that Cas is a fucking angel of the Lord who, if he tries to feel things, ends up breaking apart, and who acts like he’s only there to protect them and doesn’t seem to understand what he means to Dean, at all, because clearly Cas can’t relate to the feelings Dean has because Cas doesn’t FEEL that way and also there’s how he ups and leaves every five minutes.
But Cas isn’t an angel of the Lord anymore. All of that ^^^ bullcrap that’s tied to Cas’ grace doesn’t have to factor as an obstacle anymore (no matter how much Dean’s interpretation of these things and his making them into a huge obstacle is tied to his inner struggles with himself - but all this for another post!!)
Dean is still denying the love part - focusing on the sex part. The sex part, the desire that is wholly based in the love he refuses to acknowledge, is suddenly a viable possibility. And in this scene that finally begins to land with Dean.
All the possibility. (consciously - sex; subconsciously - love)
And yeah, that’s why the next exchange with Gadreel, where the angel delivers the ultimatum that either Cas leaves the bunker, or Gadreel will have to leave, which means he can’t heal Sam, which means Sam will die, makes Dean say:
Dean: …but this is Cas, okay, who vouched for you when I didn’t know you from Jack.
Look. At. His. Face.
All those possibilities going the way of bye-bye.
And to add injury to injury, there’s –>
Cas: That’s epic food. I can’t get enough.
LOOK AT
DEAN’S FACE
(Cas innocently holding eye contact like FOR REAL?) *dying*
And then, of course, Cas is Cas. Instead of a blow-job simulation, he’s shown to bite through the burrito because the visual food-as-penis subtext is tied to Dean. I mean, look at Dean reacting to Cas engaging with eating the burrito, when Dean not five minutes earlier was trying to use one to indicate he wants to know what Cas’ dick tastes like.
And then Cas goes on to do what he almost always does - taking whatever innuendo Dean is throwing at him (or the narrative is throwing at them) and grounding it in a moment of honesty, in feeling.
Dean: Cas. Can we talk? Cas: Of course. Dean, you know I always appreciate our talks. And our time together.
I mean…
…ow.
And Dean clears his throat because they just went from writhing together on that bed, to snuggling close and holding each other all night and oh, man, Dean is really very not ready for that, like, nope, not at all, there will be no “feelings” involved here, ever. And yet, this is painful. Telling Cas he can’t stay…
…means calling him “buddy” and Dean bringing himself out of the headspace of All The Possibility and focusing on what needs to be done. For Sam. Of course. And honestly, it’s so gorgeously thought out because if these two - if human!Cas and Dean Winchester - ever got to spend actual, real time together, with talks, and innuendoing all over the place, and all that stuff, then oh man there would be bed-writhing before too long. *mh mh good*
*mh mh good* for THEM, I mean.
It would be good for them to alleviate some of the sexual frustration. Speaking of which, Cas in this scene has barely been touched upon (pardon the pun), and what I love most about human!Cas is demonstrated here: he is still sassy Cas. I look at his face and the subtle changes in it and I see a challenge here.
“My time with April was very educational” ^^^ looks straight at Dean.
After Dean’s “You had sex with April?” Cas looks like ^^^ he wouldn’t mind punching Dean in the face for sounding so incredulous. It’s even possible he notices Dean’s pissed off expression and wants to say “What?” (like he will in just a few episodes).
What I’m getting at is that Cas is growing increasingly aware of his own feelings, right? Right. And absolutely growing aware of his attraction to Dean. And Cas is involved in a much subtler subtext of his own all based in him wanting to provoke Dean into some sort of reaction. Which he does. And so I read this whole exchange as a mutual unspoken recognition of attraction. Both of them feeling the new possibilities. Both of them devastated when the possibilities end in sudden and immediate separation.
I’m not saying they’d be doing to bedtime conga within a day or two, because I don’t think they would ever do that - there’s so much at stake that approaching one another would be a slow and drawn out affair of tentative trial and errors (mixtape-esque ones) - but the thought of actually living together, working together, all the possibilities surrounding that would have come with all of the here established desire attached to it. And that’s why it’s established in this scene.
Human!Cas means Cas with human emotions, human desires, human reactions and human musings. He’s already beginning to relate to the world around him differently because he has to, he’s living in it now, he’s not just observing it. I LOVE human!Cas. In case I’ve not made that clear.
Also, to be clear, the mentioned recognition of desire and possibility is not at all understood to be mutual by either of them. Oh, God, no. Never. They do not understand that the other wants them as much as they will ever want the other. HAH! No way. Miscommunication and lack of openness based in fear of rejection based in fear of not being enough based in… ok, stopping now, but THIS will forever be the biggest hurdle for these two. They’ve no IDEA what either is insinuating, too caught up in their own insinuation.
This said, with all the character progression we’re already getting in S13 for Dean, and with all the character progression I hope and hope and can see is on the horizon for Cas, oh there’s hope now for hurdles being overcome.
Especially after 13x02, there is a lot of fucking hope now. That’s my next post. Better get to work! :P
Nice nice nice! This is like… all my opinions on this scene too, you wrote it so well tho I love it!
Also… the “did you use protection?” question to me is totally also this:
1. Oh man Cas had SEX with someone else?! -> 2. Oh man Cas is interested in sex?! -> 3. What about sex with me?! (as you obviously just said) but then I also went to -> 4. Wait if I’m having sex with Cas - did he use protection? I don’t wanna catch anything ick!
